That Girl....

“And baby, if you don’t want to be something then just don’t be it. People will tell you it’s not as simple as that. But what if they’re wrong? And what if it is? Maybe we’re all just 30 seconds away from stopping something for good and being different people today.” 

                                  – Hannah Brencher

Here’s the thing. I know what I don’t want to be anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of food like I have been for far too long. I don’t want to be scared to eat, to cook and eat the food I make. I don’t want to be afraid of eating without exercising. I don’t want to always be gasping for my next breath from the fear and anxiety that tries to find its way into my life. I don’t want to be pathetic, unable to let go of someone who never took the time to hold on to me. I don’t want to live a small life, trapped within the confines of what I’m ‘supposed’ to be according to the world and my own expectations. I dont want to live for myself, trying to enjoy the moment for the sake of it... I dont want to miss Him in the everyday life, not recognize Him when I know He's so often right in front of me.

And I don’t know why it’s so damn hard to admit that. I don’t know why we’re so damn afraid to just admit there are things we don’t want to be, that we have become the people we always swore we wouldn’t.

But the only way to change what I don’t want to be is to know who I am trying to be. Who I want to be… Who I am in my untamed dreams.

That girl – she’s brave. She’s brave enough to leave everything behind if it is the right thing to do. That girl – she loves herself – and not only that – but she loves others. She isn’t afraid to get her hands and her feet and her elbows dirty loving on the people who live their brokenness on the outside. That girl – she knows who she is, she knows her gifts and her talents, and she knows where she’s broken – but she doesn’t make it about her. She has peace in her soul… Fire in her heart… Light in her eyes… And a contented smile on her face. That girl doesn’t live for the applause of the world around her – she lives the way her Father did. She lives to glorify the One Who made her, and she uses everything she’s got to do so. She lives a healthy life – not healthy in the way the world expects but just full of life from God. She eats the food He made for her, she cares for her body because she knows He crafted it, and fills her soul with the nourishment it needs – His word. That girl is determined. She is driven in all she does; not to promote herself, but to promote the God Who gave her life in the first place. She is the epitome of Micah 6:8, one who seeks justice, and loves mercy, and walks humbly with her God. That girl is beautiful – because she is His.

And that girl – she is me. She is who I feel myself becoming – by God’s Grace alone.

Tell me – who do you see when you look in the mirror? Who have you decided not to be? Who are you becoming in His strength and by His Grace?