Seasons

I've been scared to write lately, scared at the words that might come out of me. God gives us some pretty awful seasons to trust Him in sometimes. I'm in the midst of one of those seasons, and that's why it's easier to hide behind pretty instagram posts and Facebook statuses. It's easier to keep my days busy and distracted rather than sit and face the truth. 

The truth that this life doesn't always go the way we planned. It doesn't always go the way we hoped. And yet, even when nothing makes sense and we stand to lose some of the most important things, God still asks us to trust Him. He still says that His plan is better, and He works it all for good. Being honest for a minute - I don't always know how to believe that. I don't always know how to not ask 'why' and just trust His heart and His intentions. There's a big part of me some days that wants to be angry with Him. That can't understand why the minute things start to go right in my life, great challenges arise.

 Sometimes life just sucks. There's no pretty way to write that. Sometimes things just don't make sense, no matter how much you pray. And the crazy thing is - it's okay to admit that.

 It's a bittersweet kinda thing. I don't wish these trials on anyone, but when we're given them, there's a certain kind of beauty. There's a certain kind of beauty in learning to be painfully honest with God - telling Him how crap everything is and knowing He gets it. There's a certain kind of beauty in the sorrow, in the sitting together with tears streaming down your faces. There's a beauty in learning to let go. Learning to love with everything you have because you won't always get that chance. Learning to embrace the moments and enjoy them, because you never know when the last one will be. 

All I know is that some seasons are awful. And it's easy to be angry and bitter and hurt, but I don't want to be that girl. So i'll choose to love anyway. I'll choose to let the tears pour down my face, because they keep my heart open. I'll choose to trust God, to trust His heart and His intentions even when I don't understand them. It won't be easy. I know there are gonna be moments of intense pain ahead of me. But God will meet me there, because He always does. He is always faithful and He is always good - even when it doesn't seem like it.