I'm so sorry you're hurting. I'm so sorry for the journey you're walking now of learning the hard lessons and figuring out how to walk through the grey areas of life. Though the journey is well worth it - it is painful, and often filled with doubt and confusion.
I feel your pain because I've been there. I've been in that place of compromising on things I thought I never would. I've been in that place of knowing the right thing, but not knowing how it could at all be possible to live it out. It's hard when feelings get involved; when your heart gets tangled up with someones you never thought it would.
As much as the world used to be black and white in your eyes, suddenly it has become grey - and that's a hard place to be in. I could tell you to just stick to the black and white - to hold to all your beliefs and standards and refuse to be challenged. But I dont know that that is the best thing here.
Hard as it is, I think God allows these trials for a reason. I think we learn the importance of not following our own heart, but learning to follow His. I think we learn that although feelings are powerful, they dont always make something right, and are not always good conveyors of truth.
I think we learn the worth of people and of ourselves.
That first heartbreak? - oof! It knocks the life right out of you... It makes it near impossible to live and enjoy life. But baby, you learn so much from it and through it. That first heartbreak - it teaches what should stay black and white, and how to live in the grey areas of life.
God knows that sometimes heartbreak is the best case scenario - and so He allows it.
I guess the thing about walking the grey areas of life, and journeying through heartbreak is that it can teach you so much compassion and mercy if you let it. It can make you so desperate for God if you choose to see it that way. It can teach you grace - give you an understanding that everybody is walking a different journey - and we all make mistakes along the way.
So my prayer for you is that you keep going, keep walking this journey. Much as I wish I could stop your pain - I know it'll all be worth it. This journey will shape your character in ways you didn't even know you needed.
Baby, it is hard. The journey ahead of you is not easy, but hold tight to Jesus. Regardless of what else becomes grey in your life, know that your relationship with Him is what's black and white. It's constant. He is what will get you through. He is Who will remind you of the truth you need to know. Though everything might change on this journey - He wont. So hold fast to Him. You've got this, honey. Just keep walking.