Sunday, 21 December 2014

Everything Has Changed

It all finished this weekend. After months of thought, prayer, and preparation - I walked out those doors and straight into the unknown.

I walked away from certain people who make me feel like half a person. I walked away from people who only make me lonely... It was a reflection on my year - on the comings and goings that have taken place. There have been a lot of comings - most that were complete blessings and challenged, taught and helped shape who I am. So many of those comings brought with them fun times, awesome memories and genuine friendship. Most of the goings - were painful. Don't get me wrong - some of them were good and clearly God's protection in my life. But some of them were simply painful - and still are. If there's one thing I've learned from it though - if there's one goal it's given me for 2015 is that I need to learn to trust God no matter who comes and goes from my life, knowing He has a plan and a purpose.

When I left, I walked away from routine - from the one thing I thought for sure was a certain for my life. I walked away from things I loved doing - and wish I could still do. I walked away knowing I made a choice - and though it's bittersweet, I made the choice I believe God was calling me to. And I trust that though it's bittersweet now, it will all make sense in His timing.

Where it all stands right now - everything has changed. I have changed. Looking back to the beginning of this year - to that lonely, heartbroken girl who didn't know her place or her gifts or what she wanted to now - this lonely-but-not-alone, mostly-healed girl who knows what she wants and is taking courage to pursue it - God is faithful.

It's not perfect. The unknown ahead of me is terrifying some days. The grief inside me for what I've lost is so painful some days. But I'm thankful. Thankful that though the future is unknown to me, it's known by the One Who knows me completely. I'm thankful for the grief - because it means I had people that mattered to me. That changed me and blessed me. I'm thankful that God saw fit to include them in my life if for only a season, and trust that if they're meant to come back - He will make it so.

And though everything has changed, I am in love with the One Who never changes, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

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