I know you're afraid. I know you're scared of the unknown and worried about the future. I know you read words that tell you to turn your dreams into plans, and laugh without fear of the future, and I know that all just confuses you more. I know that well meaning people will tell you that to know God means you will have no fear - but that's a lie.
Baby, there is always going to be fear. There are always going to be moments when you feel terrified, paralyzed by all the unknowns. But there is a huge difference between feeling fear, and actually living with a fearful heart.
I've been there, Sweetheart. I lived with severe anxiety for 4 years before I learnt that it didn't have to control me. And yes - I still feel fear to this day. I still have moments where I am absolutely terrified, either of the bigger unknown things, like travelling away from home, or asking somebody out, or never finding exactly where I fit, or the ordinary day to day things, like making phone calls, driving unknown places, or meeting a whole bunch of new people at once. But that fear doesn't control me anymore, because God gave me the gift of realizing I could feel fear, and not act on it.
Knowing God does not mean no fear. It means learning courage, and choosing bravery, realizing God is so much greater than the fear. You're allowed to be afraid. You're allowed to be scared. Even if the fear is irrational or about something you consider silly... You're allowed to feel it. You just don't have to live defined by it.
Maybe it's like 2 Timothy 1:7 says - that 'you have not been given a spirit of fear.'
You may feel fear, baby, but your spirit and your heart do not have to be fearful. You can have a hopeful heart instead. Hopeful that the best is yet to come. Hopeful that the future is going to be better than you can ever imagine. Hopeful that God has made a way for you to push through fear and become all that you are meant to be.
Find some strength today, Brave-heart. Make a decision that when you feel the fear, you will do what you need to anyway. Decide to be courageous, and do what's right, even if you're doing it afraid. I promise you have what it takes. I promise that all the strength and the courage and the wisdom you need is inside you, inside the relationship you have with Jesus.
Fear won't win, honey, Jesus will. Every time. You don't have to be a fearful-heart anymore. Let yourself be marked by these words instead: Brave-hearted, courageous, strong, dignified, Hope-full, & strong in Him.
Keep fighting for yourself, baby.