Sunday, 19 January 2014

A Journey of Surrender

 ‘He who clings to his life will lose it, but he who gives it up for God’s sake, will find it.’ 

C.S Lewis wrote: “nothing you have not given away will ever really be yours.” My problem with this is how hard it is to give some things away, knowing I may not get them back again. Some things God is asking me to hand over terrify me, because I don’t want them to be gone forever. I don’t want to let go of those dreams, those people, those places. And logically I know, these things are not really mine to keep. And the longer I continue clinging to them, the more broken I’ll become. And yet, I’m still having trouble with the surrendering. With the loosening my death grip so He can hold my empty hands, and fill my broken heart with Himself.
I wonder what surrender really looks like?

I wonder if it’s a one-time thing, or an everyday, every time I start to cling to those things again?

I keep waiting to get to a point where I feel like I've given it over to God and I trust Him completely, but it hasn't happened… Which makes me think one moment of down on my knees is not enough. One prayer telling God it’s in His Hands isn't sufficient…
 I think surrender looks like an every single day thing. I think surrender looks like just running to God with it, even if I’m not willing to hand it over right then, at least talking to Him about it.

It still amazes me how I cling to brokenness. How my stubbornness gets in the way of my surrender. How I’ll hold onto something even when I know I cant fix it, just because I want to be right. Just because I somehow think I can get it to the place I want it to be. When the reality is, that’s where trust needs to come in. Trust that if God takes it from me and doesn't do what I want, He still knows what He’s doing. Trust that He will not withhold anything good from me, so if He doesn't give it all back someday, then it wasn't good in the first place.

Trusting God is a hard thing when I know His perspective is very different from mine.

It’s hard to trust Him when I know sometimes that person will still die, even when I think they should receive healing. Trusting God is hard when I know doing so wont magically bring him into my life. Trusting God is hard when I know He’s not just going to take away my sickness, and stop all the pain that comes with it. But I guess that’s why it’s called trust. I guess that’s why we call God Sovereign.

Because He does know what He is doing. And it’s hard to believe that and live that when you’re still trying to find your way out of the prosperity gospel teaching that you've heard for 10 years, but it is the Truth. God can be trusted. When He asks us to give away something that wasn't even ours in the first place, then He makes a way for us to do so. He doesn't ask us to do that which He hasn't given us the Grace for. But maybe the act of surrendering requires His Help. Maybe surrendering those things we can’t bear to lose requires us going on our knees before Him, and asking Him to help us open our hands. Maybe surrendering to Him the fact that we can’t surrender is the way to surrender.
Baby, clinging to your life will never help you find it. Clinging to the one you love won’t make them stay. Holding on with a death grip to anything you’re scared of losing will not help you keep it. It will just make you live a fearful life wondering what if. Nothing you have not given away will ever really be yours anyway. So maybe it’s time to take that leap, and trust God with some of those things. Maybe it’s time to take Him at His Word, and believe Him when He says He knows the plans He has for us, and He will work everything out for good. I’m scared – just as you are. But maybe this is where it’s time to be BRAVE. Maybe this is where our insane courage can be used next – to start walking a journey of surrender.

No comments:

Post a Comment