If you haven't read part 1 of this post, click here to read.
But I can say that I learned a lot. I can say that despite the hurt and disappointment, I learned to believe in love again.
I learned to say no - both to myself and to others who were asking.
I got closer to God - I learned to run to Him in the moments. I learned to deny my feelings and remember the facts - though I felt broken, God makes me whole. Though I wanted the instant gratification of a relationship now, I learned it's better to wait.
It wasn't perfect. Giving up dating didn't change my desire for a relationship with the right guy – but It has shown me that I can truly live and enjoy my life without a guy by my side. I can be happy without a relationship. It's taught me that running to a guy to fix my problems will never actually fix them, and more likely will perpetuate them. No, this commitment didn't take away my desire for a relationship. It didn't take away my desire to be a wife and a mom, but it taught me there is purpose for me now, and if God wills, someday in the right timing I will meet the guy for me.
This commitment has given me the chance to take a step back and realise the truth again. It's taught me once again that I don't need to live ruled by my emotions, but I can live instead under the truth.
It's given me time to remember my worth, and remember my standards. It's given me the courage to wait, instead of simply settling for whatever comes along.
I guess I learned again that Jesus is enough. Even when I don't want Him to be, He still is. That's a fact, no matter what I feel. I guess in some ways I did learn to refocus. To change my thoughts, but also just set my gaze on something different, SomeOne different.
To be totally honest - I wasn't great at living out this commitment out. There were definitely times I could have worked harder to refocus my thoughts, and definitely conversations I didn't need to engage in. And yet - I still got out of it what I wanted to.
There were times this commitment made me feel guilty - because I did get my heart a little bruised during that time. And I did still have midnight conversations under the stars... And I still don't know if that's right or wrong but more than anything it's the reminder I serve a God of grace. Because even when I stuff up promises I made - He loves me. And honestly - I could always see Him with arms wide open; I could always see Grace in His Eyes.
I cling to that ya know? As there is an enemy who would do anything to keep me condemned - I cling to the truth - that God knows me. And He sees my heart, and He loves - regardless.
Having this commitment end still doesn't make me feel ready to date. I haven't done this just so I can jump straight back in. I've been pondering making another no-dating commitment just because I'm not sure I am ready for a relationship yet... But I don't know. Maybe it's less about making a commitment (and therefore a set of rules to live by) and more about learning to trust God... Learning to trust that as I focus on Him and focus on what He's given me to do right now, all these other details will work out.
He is faithful.
It's given me time to remember my worth, and remember my standards. It's given me the courage to wait, instead of simply settling for whatever comes along.
I guess I learned again that Jesus is enough. Even when I don't want Him to be, He still is. That's a fact, no matter what I feel. I guess in some ways I did learn to refocus. To change my thoughts, but also just set my gaze on something different, SomeOne different.
To be totally honest - I wasn't great at living out this commitment out. There were definitely times I could have worked harder to refocus my thoughts, and definitely conversations I didn't need to engage in. And yet - I still got out of it what I wanted to.
There were times this commitment made me feel guilty - because I did get my heart a little bruised during that time. And I did still have midnight conversations under the stars... And I still don't know if that's right or wrong but more than anything it's the reminder I serve a God of grace. Because even when I stuff up promises I made - He loves me. And honestly - I could always see Him with arms wide open; I could always see Grace in His Eyes.
I cling to that ya know? As there is an enemy who would do anything to keep me condemned - I cling to the truth - that God knows me. And He sees my heart, and He loves - regardless.
Having this commitment end still doesn't make me feel ready to date. I haven't done this just so I can jump straight back in. I've been pondering making another no-dating commitment just because I'm not sure I am ready for a relationship yet... But I don't know. Maybe it's less about making a commitment (and therefore a set of rules to live by) and more about learning to trust God... Learning to trust that as I focus on Him and focus on what He's given me to do right now, all these other details will work out.
He is faithful.
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