Longing

I know you miss him so much it hurts.
I know you have moments where the longing completely takes your breath away and leaves you wondering how you're supposed to keep living like nothing is wrong.
I know logic tells you that you shouldn't still be feeling this way - that it's impossible to feel so strongly for someone so quickly.

And yet, you do.

And yes, it's okay.

You're allowed to do the brave thing, girl, and feel your longing. You're allowed to do the brave thing and go to bed alone one more night. You're allowed to put down the phone without sending that one text you are so desperate to.

Sometimes there are just no more words to be said. Sometimes, as much as you want him in your life, it's just not the right time - the right season. And I know that leaves you wondering what you're supposed to do, but baby, I want you to know you can do this. You will get through this. I know the longing feels like it's breaking your heart - but what if it's actually making you stronger?

What if the longing is making you thankful for what's in front of you right now?

What if the longing is worth it? What if he's worth the wait?

Baby-girl, I know it's scary. I know the pain of lying in your bed, clenching your fists and trying to breathe happens all too often. I know that nothing makes sense right now, and just when you think you've moved forward you end up right back where you started. 

 But what if you told yourself that you're not alone in the longing? What if the fact I'm writing this is the very proof you need that you. are. not. alone.?
For me, that longing is for him. That longing is for that love that so many people have, and yet seems to escape me. It's a longing I know well - a longing I've had since I was about 11 years old and realized what a beautiful thing love was. And nothing has changed since it began, except it has grown a whole lot stronger, and in some seasons, has a face and a name attached.

But what if it's like Psalms 73 says: "For all my wanting, I dont have anyone but You in Heaven."

I cant help but wonder if maybe the bigger picture is how we survive the longing. The bigger picture of Heaven, of eternity spent with the One Who truly knows us. When we get there, He is all that we'll have, all that will matter, and He will be completely enough. So maybe we can take refuge in that now, here on earth. Maybe we can take refuge in knowing that through all the wanting, through all the longing - ultimately, He is what matters.

Beloved, He is present in the longing. He is sufficient in the wanting. He may not take it from you, because there are valuable lessons to learn through it, but He will hold your hand. He will hold you as you cry. He's not angry at you for wanting. He cries right there with you. But He knows there is more for you. He knows the plans He has for you - and as hard as it is, sometimes the thing you're longing for is not in His plan - at least for this season.

I wish I could be there to hold you, too. I wish I could just sit beside you, and tell you that somehow we're going to get through this. But for now - this is what I have - words on a page. So please, read them and know, I have been where you are, and I am there now. Sometimes, I cant breathe for the longing. Sometimes, I am consumed by the wanting - wanting him in my life, in my arms. But I'm still alive, baby. I'm still moving. I believe I am stronger than I have ever been - not because of my own strength, but because I run to Jesus in my weakness. He's been my Lifeline - and I know He'll never let me go.

Please, please, dont give up. Run to the Lifeline. Hold on with everything you have. Feel your longing but keep your eyes on the bigger picture - that someday, you will be finally, truly satisfied. You will be complete. There is so much more for you. Eyes forward, Brave-heart.