Learning To Hurt Well

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

C.S. Lewis

Have you ever found yourself putting up walls around your heart?

Have you ever subconsciously shut yourself down emotionally, or stopped someone from getting too close?

I have. After many people breaking my trust in many different ways, I found myself putting walls around my heart. I thought that I was being wise, that I was somehow 'guarding my heart.' But recently, I have realized something.
Getting hurt is inevitable.

When we trust someone with who we are, when we choose to let someone see who we really are, we take the risk they could hurt us. 

But we cannot go through life alone. We need people - whether we like to admit that or not. And in order to have deep, and flourishing relationships, we need to trust people. 

So we have to learn to hurt well. 

How do we do that? What does 'hurting well' look like practically?

I believe there are several ways to hurt well.

1. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). 

Pray. Pray constantly. Tell Him about all the heartache. Tell Him exactly what you are thinking and feeling. He is big enough to handle it. He loves you enough to hear it. 

2. Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Dont keep tally of the other persons wrongs. Let go of the small offences. Stop holding onto the hurt and just give it all to God. The person who hurt us is not going to learn because we kept track of how they hurt us, so holding onto the hurt and offence only perpetuates our pain. Do yourself a favor, and move forward. Let it all go. 

3. He is the Rophe (Healer) of the brokenhearted. He is the One Who bandages their wounds.(Psalm 147:3)

Ask God for healing. And then, let Him heal you. It could be a long journey - but He is faithful. He keeps His promises. Laugh when you need to. Cry when you need to. Trust that He is enough to heal you - He is enough to sustain you through the hurt. Beloved, He loves you. He will heal you. Let Him carry you through it. 

4. Trust again. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open with people. Remember that "vulnerability is godly. How could you be anymore vulnerable than hanging naked on a wooden Cross?" (Cole Ryan - Dear Guys eBook). We build trust with people by matching our trust with the growing stages of relationship... As you get to know someone, you both share little by little, until trust starts to grow and build. You don't have to bare your heart and soul to someone the first time you talk to them... Get to know them, and build that trust over time. But friend, it is important - let yourself trust again. 

I truly believe that living in relationship with other people is worth the risk of being hurt. We cannot do this life alone. We were created for community. And yes, that is risky. People are not perfect and will always eventually let us down. But Jesus never will. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. 

Beloved, don't give up. You will get through this. Hurting is not fun or pretty, but you can learn to hurt well. And one day this mess, will be turned into your greatest message of His Love and Redemption.