I am a mess

I'm a mess... there is no other way to say it. And no, this is not a recent thing, this is all my life... messy... bloody... broken... in need of His Grace.

I can far too easily pretend I have it all together, act like I have all the answers and pull off the 'Christian' responses. But that is not what God wants from me and definitely not what the world needs from me. So while this mess that I am is not a new revelation for me, it hit me full in the face this morning. Because once again, I realized that I do not have all the answers, and I am still just as broken and devastated about some things as I was when they happened. I'm going to get real with this blog and voice some things I have never said to anyone but God.

I still doubt sometimes. I don't doubt whether God is real or not, but I wonder sometimes. How could God in all His power let people die of cancer when they should be alive on earth, loving their families and fulfilling their dreams?   

Why did He hear the prayers of so many people for healing on this earth, and still choose to heal in Heaven? 

These have been the thought patterns in my mind, and the truth is, I just don't know. I have no answers, no explanations, no way of knowing until Heaven. So in the meantime, I have my Faith, and a God Who lets me run to Him with all my doubts and questions and uncertainties.

The reason I am writing this blog is because firstly, writing is my way of processing and thinking. But secondly, I think it's time for us as Christians to realize we do not have to have all the answers. We don't have to try and wash away someone's hurt with our answers and responses of Scripture verses. We just need to be present... kind... compassionate... we have to be the people willing to throw our arms around the hurting and just hold them and cry with them. Because there is nothing more beautiful than two or more people coming together and holding each other up through the hard times. We're a community, a Body, a Bride, and that means that just as we rejoice together, we weep together. We are all broken in some way, we are all messy and there is no way and no point to hiding it. A world in need doesn't need a Bible thrust in their face, an invitation to a bazillion church events and a lecture about everything they are doing wrong. They need a friend... Someone who will be consistent in their lives, who will grab their hand and pull them into the light. They need a meal brought to them when they are hungry, a lawn mowed when they are sick, someone to look after their kids when they just need a break.... People need people... Their compassion, their kindness, their love. The world needs to know it's okay to be broken and messy, it's okay to have scars, and not have it all figured out. That's why Jesus came... He came for the broken, the judged, the hurt and lost and grieving.
There is no shame in being broken Beloved. There is no shame in needing Grace. Breathe it in today. Know you are forgiven... loved... redeemed... chosen... Know that you don't have to have all the answers and you don't have to have it all together to be called a Christian. Know that you dont have to look, sound, or act perfect in order to go to Church. Church is a Body of broken and messy people who have received this revelation called Grace.  We're all broken... But thank God.... Because we have His Grace.