Love is messy.
I feel like that has been the theme of my life lately. It started with the beginning of this year, God finding me amidst such mess and loving me even as I was on my knees sobbing. It started with Him loving me in the middle of a broken heart and a broken life, holding me closer and closer.
It continued when God gave me this beautiful, messy human to love and be loved by. I never knew before now how hard it could be to choose a person over and over again. To see them on some of their worst days and want to help them and get them through it. I never knew before now how hard it would be to let myself be chosen by another broken person, to let them love me, to let them choose me, to let them stay in my life.
And now it’s reached a point where I feel that’s what He’s calling me to do with my life. To love people in the midst of their mess. To be there for people even when it hurts; to love them in the thick of their trials and pain and sorrow. I feel He’s calling me to let my heart be broken for other people over and over again, to choose to stay anyway, even when it’s not pretty.
And I guess when I think about it – that’s all love really is anyway. It’s a beautiful mess. After all, Jesus showed ultimate love when He surrendered His life – and that was not a pretty scene. It doesn’t really get more messy than that – and so if I’m following Him, if I’m loving as He loved, that’s what it’s going to look like. It’s going to look like being willing to lay down my life for someone else’s sake. It’s going to look like getting out of my own comfort zone to make someone else’s life better. It’s going to look like putting aside my own desires and needs to serve someone else. It’s going to look messy.
I don’t know all the practicals of who and how, yet. I don’t know exactly where He’s calling me or what He’s asking of me. But I know where it starts. I know it starts with choosing every single day to love my beautiful messy self even when it’s hard. I know it starts with choosing to love my beautiful messy human even on the days when its scary and difficult, and letting him choose to love me. I know it starts with showing up for the people God has given me now, in this season; being there for them whatever they need, even if it breaks my heart to see them in their pain.
Love is messy – but it’s worth it.