I’ve been learning so much lately about identity in God, about what that truly means and looks like. I’m the kind of girl that finds it way too easy to put my identity in my appearance, or what others think about me. Lately, my identity though has been found in the things I struggle with. All my life, I have battled fear. Literal anxiety over such small things. And so much emotional fear about the unknowns, the what if’s, the hard things in life. It’s been so consuming in the last few months, and it’s so frustrating to me, when I know that’s not the spirit God has given me.
Again and again, I’ve heard God calling to me, whispering to me about who I really am in Him. I’ve heard Him say that my new name is ‘redeemed’ – that is my identity in Him. I’ve heard Him remind me that He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. And yet, I’m still having trouble going to sleep. And I’m still waking up at 3 in the morning panicking about my life, about what’s going on and the crazy things ahead of me. And I live each day fighting so hard for peace, but just keeping myself so I busy that I don’t have time to think about the fear.
And then I read this: ‘You see, you have not received a spirit that returns you to slavery, so you have nothing to fear. The Spirit you have received adopts you and welcomes you into God’s own family. That’s why we call out to Him, “Abba! Father!” as we would address a loving daddy.’ – Romans 8:15
And I started to see that God never called me to be a slave to this. He never called me to spend every waking moment fighting against fear, being held in captivity by the very thought of it, always being in fear that the fear is going to come back. He never put those chains on me. Instead, He put His spirit in me. He welcomed me with open arms into His family, and called me His Beloved Daughter. He became Daddy to me, a good Dad who wants to love me and bless me.
So today in worship, I finally felt it. As I stood there and repented, admitted to my Good Father that I’ve been holding onto a Spirit of fear even though He’s told me that’s not who I am, I finally felt at peace. I saw His light and His love, and in that moment, I knew nothing could touch me. I am His Daughter, He is my Father, and He’s got this. I don’t need to live captive to fear of life, or death, or fear of fear itself. I live instead devoted to Him. I’m no longer a slave to fear, because I am a child of God.