I know you're tired, so so tired of living like this. I know you want to give up, you're tired of everything hurting. I know how hard it is for you in that it seems no matter how hard you try, they cant see the changes you're trying to make. When all you want is someone to hold you close and tell you that you're gonna be okay, instead you get told all the things you need to improve, all the things you're doing wrong.
I know it doesn't seem fair that all your life, you've fought for people and you've stood by them through everything, held them while they cried, promising them that they'd make it, and yet, you never seem to have someone like that for yourself.
The fight you are in - it's real. But you're not fighting against the things you think you are. Fighting against yourself isn't what you were made for. Fighting against God - it goes against the very grain of your being. Yes, you're in a fight - but the thing you're up against is an enemy who comes only to hurt you. This fight is against a kingdom of darkness, with a ruler who seeks to destroy you in any way he can.
Baby, you need to stop hating yourself for not being perfect. You need to stop trying to change things just so they'll like you, or approve of you. You need to stop being so afraid of getting it wrong, or falling flat on your face. It's okay to break... It's okay to not know how to move forward. It's okay that you dont understand your heart or the things it wants.
But it is NOT okay to give up, and it is not okay to hate who you are. It's not okay to keep blindly fighting against all the wrong things. It's not okay to take all the crap the enemy deals out and just swallow it as the life you need to live, and the struggle you need to face.
There's this song that I love, and in it are these words: "Where the Light is, darkness CANT be found, where the Lord is, darkness MUST be bound."
Just stop for a minute... Let those words sink in... Where there is Light, darkness cannot be found. Darkness cannot win. Where there is God, darkness must be bound. Darkness cannot win.
This fight you're in - you've already won. You already have the victory, baby. The second you realize who the fight is truly against, the minute you open your life up to the God Who created you, the God Who IS Light - you have won the war.
So today - take a deep breath. Admit the pain. Realize the struggle. Remember what you're truly fighting against, and then turn your eyes toward the Light. Dont give up, honey, dont quit. Dont surrender to the hurt and doubt and uncertainty - surrender to the truth - that where the Light is - darkness does not stand a chance.
You've got this, baby. I believe in you.