I don't know if you have ever stepped back from the Christian dating scene long enough to really observe it, but if you have, you'll know that it is the funniest and most frustrating thing in the world!
I always knew I wanted a guy to pursue me, not the other way around, but I never realized how difficult that would be. I am, by nature, a controlling person. I like to be in charge, to know what's going on, I like my plans. So stepping back and allowing a guy to pursue does not come easily. But there is another challenge:
Guys seem to have forgotten that pursuing is actually their role!
My apologies to my brothers in Christ who know how to pursue a woman and actively seek out her best interests - you can just go right ahead and skip this blog. But for those of you who don't see the importance of pursuing the woman you're interested in - keep reading!
Here's the thing: if you're not ready to be straightforward with a woman you like, and just tell her straight up what your intentions are - you're not ready to date.
It is not her job to chase you. It is not her job to initiate the 'are we friends, or more than friends' conversation. If you like her - tell her. If you don't - make it clear (politely) that you are simply friends. Dont string her along.
But I also wanna take a second to talk to you ladies out there. Please, please, don't read too much into your friendship with a guy. Don't analyze every conversation to figure out if he likes you. And if you are pursuing him - STOP. That might mean the end of the relationship, but if that's the case - he wasn't the right guy anyway. He wasn't ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Because here's the truth - you deserve love. You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to have a guy treat like you're the most beautiful girl in the world - because you are. If he doesn't know your worth and value the gift he's been given in you - he's not worth your time. If he can't keep his eyes and hands to himself - he's not ready for you. He doesn't respect you or himself. I know it's hard, but wait. Wait for the right guy. Wait for the guy who pursues you as if his life depended on it. Wait for the guy who looks at you - and only you - like you're the greatest gift God has ever given him. Wait for the guy who will take care of you, and is willing and able to lead you the way God intended.
I know this may sound a little old-fashioned, or judgmental or whatever - but it's the truth.
Girls, I really don't care how special he is or how much you like him - his job is to pursue you. Yes, you can initiate conversations - make sure he actually knows you exist - but dont chase him down. You can even ask him out for coffee - it's not wrong to just get to know someone. But ultimately, trust that God knows what's best, and will work out the details. If this is the guy for you, God is more than capable of putting you in his heart and mind.
And guys - don't play games. Be respectful of her and her family. Realize that she is God's gift to you - and treat her that way. To put it nicely - man up! Stop seeking your own selfish intentions - stop waiting for her to chase you - it's not her role. Stop texting and Facebook -ing and communicating through other people - and start talking to her. Watch what signals you're sending her, and be the first to apologize if you give someone the wrong idea. And realize - you can be friends with your sisters in Christ. They're not all going to read too much into it.