DISCLAIMER: I am well aware some of you will be offended by this post, and may not understand my point of view. I do not expect everyone to get it, and the only reason I write this post is to a. ponder aloud, b. encourage those of you who are also learning this lesson, and c. gain wisdom from those of you who want to share it.
I am one of those people who is always into the 'new,' I appreciate change, and am always looking for a way to better myself and my life. Having just got back from Europe less than a week ago, I am finding it so hard to be content here. I have always struggled with this culture, with the way things work here, and after being in Europe, I am experiencing what almost feels like culture shock. Everything here is so different, and I dont want to embrace that. I want to travel extensively. It's as simple as that. But for the season I am in, I am in no position to do so. So now I'm faced with the challenge of learning to be content. Trust me, it is SO much easier said than done. Right now, staying here sounds like the hardest and most frustrating thing I have ever had to do. I know I am so blessed, and leaving my friends and family will never ever be an easy thing, but I feel called to travel, to explore, to wonder, and learn. I guess I have a case of wanderlust.... But here is my reality: I am about to start my second year of a degree I hate in an institution that I cant stand. I have no job and seem to be unable to get the kind of job I need in order to gain experience and save money. I don't have a church home and cannot find anywhere that seems right for a home. Reality isn't always pretty.
But for each of those things, I know there are positives. I am blessed to be able to go to university at all, and study to become what I actually want to be. I also know there are possibilities for transfers in the future and this too shall pass. Although it feels like forever, this jobless/ crappy job situation cannot and will not last forever. In the right time I will get a job that is right. And though I have not yet found a proper church home, I just never know what God might do. Maybe the place I least expect to be home is the one place that I completely fit. All I know right now is that God is doing a new work in me. I believe He is teaching me this lesson about contentment for a reason, and while it is frustrating and I don't completely understand why, I know it is a necessary lesson for growing up. After all the brokenness I have just seen, I know how blessed I am... So for now, I will wait. Yes, I have questions, yes, at times I get so frustrated I want to cry, but God will be where my heart goes. Even if it takes everything I have, I will learn to be content.