Sunday, 13 October 2013

The words I would say: to me, to you, to everyone

I wrote a letter to myself. Which I know sounds a little bit strange but sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do, and it's the only way to process all the little thoughts that have been swirling in your head for weeks and even months. So this letter, I wanted to keep it to myself. But then I realized I am not alone in this world, no matter how I feel at times. And there are some important words in this letter I think we all need to hear sometimes. So, friend, these are the words I would say, to myself or to you or to the entire world. And one thing I would add that isn't in this letter. You. Are. Not. Alone... Not ever.

Dear me (or you, or us),

He always uses everything. Even what seems like small events to the outside world can change something deep in you. Never underestimate Gods ability to use anything and everything. Even if it seems like it’s not from Him, He’ll use it. I want you to know that you’re doing great. I’m so proud of you. I know it feels like your life is falling apart, but it’s just a process. And walking the journey one step at a time is enough.

 I know you might not have a boyfriend for Christmas or New Year’s or Valentine’s, but your time will come.  As you have seen, everything can change in a single second. God is with you. Even when you can’t feel Him or see Him or hear Him, He is there. Even when you question His very existence, or the heart of who He is, He is still there. You can’t change His plan with your decisions. Everything, absolutely every little thing that happens in your life, has been seen by Him and factored in. No, He didn’t create the stories that involved hurting you, but He foresaw them. He knew exactly which ones to allow, and which ones to shield you from. He is Sovereign, you don’t change that. 

I know you’re scared, about a lot of things, but everything is going to be okay. You’re gonna come through these trials stronger and better, and not bitter. I know that trusting people scares you, and it seems that every time you do, they prove you right by hurting you. But all of life is relationship, and hurt is not a bad thing. Hurt strips the unnecessary things off you and makes you so much better than you were before. It’s okay to get hurt. And it’s okay to feel pain. 
But it’s also okay to still believe in love. It’s okay to still believe you can be happy, and do what you can to find happiness. You’re not self-sufficient; you weren’t created to only need yourself. You need people and it’s okay to feel that and think that and live that. 
I know you just wish people would reach out to you to ease your loneliness, but maybe the best way to cure your own loneliness is to add to other people’s happiness. He has divine plans for you. And all those prophetic words you have received that you haven’t yet seen happen – it’s coming. I don’t know how long or when and how and where it’s all going to play out – but His plans will happen. He hasn’t forgotten you. He doesn’t work according to your schedule, which I know is hard, but He’s building trust in you. God is at work in your life, and I know you can’t see that right now, because everything just feels messy, but it will all be clear one day soon. Keep doing what you’re doing. Keep walking. Keep breathing. Keep praying through all the stuff. Keep communing through the process. Don’t be scared to ask for help. Don’t be afraid of the tears that stream down your face. Your life isn’t over. It’s not always going to be this hard. 

The trials you have gone through, and the stuff you’re still going through – is all preparing you for a future beyond what you can imagine. It’s going to be great. Love who you are. Because you’re beautiful. Inside and out. And I know you still cringe at that image in the mirror sometimes. And I know you wonder if who you are and what you do is really making any difference to anyone at all. But you are you for a reason. And all God ever asked of you was just to follow Him. You might not have the answers. You might not know why you write books and blog and encourage strangers. You might not know why it’s so important for you to love yourself and look after yourself, but it’s all part of the grand plan. There’s a glorious unfolding coming, where finally everything will be complete and all the puzzle pieces will fit. 

Until then, don’t give up. Give your heart a break, baby-girl. Stop being so hard on yourself about every single little thing. He makes beauty from ashes – remember? All that brokenness you feel inside of you, all those pieces are part of something greater – stop trying to fix them, or ditch them when you don’t know how to make them fit. He’ll use everything, and get rid of that which is toxic. He’s got your back, Brave heart. Just keep moving and living and loving and breathing. Life is all good, my friend. It’s all good. 

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