Monday, 5 August 2013

Living up to the 'should's'

Something I learned in counselling is that a lot of us have this cognitive distortion that revolves around living up to the should's... you know, the 'I should be happier, I should be skinnier, I should have this job, I should have these friends, I should have this car, I should spend this much time with God' etc... 

Or we do the 'I shouldn't' and these revolve around 'I shouldn't feel this way, I shouldn't swear, I shouldn't have impure thoughts, I shouldn't get angry, I shouldn't put myself first' and on and on we go...

Here's the thing: 

Who you are is exactly who you are meant to be right now.

I don't know why we always feel like we need to better ourselves, or fix ourselves. I don't know why we have this idea that some emotions are wrong, and shouldn't be felt. I don't know why we always feel like we have to have more or less of something in order to be right. 

Where you are in life is exactly where God wants you to be. 

There are things you can learn right here, in this season. When you are sad, be sad, and then ask God to help you move forward. It's not wrong to feel the effects of life. It's not wrong to laugh, and it's not wrong to cry. We have to take life as it comes. 

No, it won't always be pretty. There will be moments of brokenness that cannot be hidden - but why do we need to hide it anyway? Being broken just means we need SomeOne greater than ourselves to put us together again. 

I spent this past weekend totally, gut wrenchingly, tired and broken. I was upset over a recent conversation with a friend, and for a few days, beat myself up over it. I went about my days with my internal dialogue sounding something like this:
'I should have said this. I should just be able to get over it. I shouldn't even be feeling like this in the first place. I should just be able to move on.'

And so it went for 2 days, before God, in all His Mercy, broke through and reminded me to just be. Yes, I was hurt. I was broken and offended and let down. And that was okay
We are allowed to grieve the things we've lost, and we are allowed to feel hurt when someone lets us down. 

The thing I think we often forget is that God knows exactly how long we need to stay in a place for. He knows what each season holds, and He is completely capable of getting us through that season, and out of it. 

This is why I love ancient Celtic theology. They believed in all of life. They believed in seasons, they understood that there are ebbs and flows, and they recognized death not as an ending, but as a part of life, moving from this world, into eternity with Jesus. 

I wanna live like that. I wanna accept the life God has given me, and count myself blessed that He has seen fit to use me. Because that is our reality. If we're breathing, God has a purpose for us. He has a way to use us. 

Stop beating yourself up over how you think you should or shouldn't be. Stop trying to change everything all the time. Who you are is exactly who you are supposed to be. What you do is exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Where you live is exactly where He wants you right now. Stop telling yourself you should be more content, and just start being. Be you. If that means you cry everyday, do it. Let Him hold you close. Have a little Faith. He's here for you, just as you are. No more, no less. 

You are enough. 

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